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| Engagement party photo props. |
Basic background: at lunch one day I casually introduced my friend to a coworker, a happily married straight woman. The next day at work, my colleague asked about my friend, a new-to-town single lesbian. “I know someone!” my coworker exclaimed. We promptly began brainstorming ways to introduce the two lucky lesbians. My coworker’s poodle pal -- they both adore and own poodles -- fell into the mix, offering to host an upcoming brunch where we could introduce our matchmaking pawns.
Our intentions were pure. Our information was not.
It turned out that the potential partner we had hoped to hook up my friend with was a straight gal. Oops. Not a problem, since another lady in attendance at the Saturday meet-up brunch we had concocted was available, worthy and looking and -- almost immediately -- intrigued by my friend. There was one glitch, however. At their first meeting, Ms. Worthy mistakenly thought my friend was straight and that I -- who could not attend the brunch, due to a death in the family -- was the lesbian who’d been a no-show.
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| The new addition to my friends' happy family. |
Confused? Probably. Suffice it to say, it all worked out in the end and my friend and Ms. Worthy are over-the-moon ecstatic, recently bought a home together and have just added a second poodle to their little family. Ms. Worthy told me not so long ago that my friend is “a dream come true.” I can retire my Yente hat, satisfied that I helped arrange at least one happy union.
Non-traditional paths to matrimony calls to mind a fun series of stories I worked on during my newspaper reporting career. We put an ad in our lifestyle section inviting readers to submit a letter explaining why we should pick them to participate in a story in which the reader would propose to their beloved in the pages of the newspaper. As I recall, we received only one letter taking us up on the offer. Fortunately, as Amy March instructs us in “Little Women” (I paraphrase): “You don’t need scads of suitors; only one -- if it’s the right one.”
Originally published Jan. 6, 2005 in The Oakland Tribune/ANG Newspapers
From Tina to Bradley: A real life love story with a surprise ending
By Monique Beeler
Call it a chronic case of procrastination.
They meant to get married years ago, but life _ and the threat of death _
got in the way. But more on that later.
They're not a fancy couple.
T-shirts and jeans are their clothing of choice. They work hard for their money.
She's a hotel front desk clerk, he hangs drywall.
A big night out for this Fremont couple is a rare visit to a neighborhood
steak house. For fun, they love rooting _ win or lose _ for their favorite
baseball club, the San Francisco Giants.
Their music of choice may be classic rock, but their love is the lofty,
enduring kind that inspires operas and plays. Antony and Cleopatra, Romeo
and Juliet, meet Bradley Matlock and Tina Birdsell.
Bradley is a sweetheart of a guy with a mile-wide loyal streak _ to his
beloved and to his baseball team. You might recognize him by his
ever-present Giants baseball hat _ he's got four. A laid-back homebody, he's
happy spending Saturday night on the sofa watching movies with his sweetie.
His honey Tina is a good-natured, no-nonsense gal who values straight talk
and has no patience for pretense. And she loves to laugh, especially at her
favorite TV shows, such as ``Everybody Loves Raymond'' and ``That '70s
Show.''
The pair first met in the mid '80s when Tina's friend dated Bradley for a
few years. Tina and Bradley always got along well and enjoyed joking around
and teasing each other.
Later, Bradley and his girlfriend split up, and Tina didn't see him again
for several months.
Then, Bradley gave Tina a call. ``We were always friends,'' he says. ``She's
just an awesome person.''
They met for lunch and clearly had a good time on that 1988 afternoon. They
started dating and have been together ever since. He's now 40, and she's 38.
Bradley had marriage and a family on his mind early on, but Tina wasn't
quite ready.
``We were being smart and waited,'' she says.
Finally, they made plans to exchange vows in 2000.
``I (was) thinking, `I'm 35, let's get married and have kids,''' says Tina.
Then a routine gynecology appointment threatened to destroy their dream.
Tina's medical test revealed abnormal cells. The diagnosis? Cervical cancer.
``I was devastated,'' she says. ``He asked, `Do you still want to marry me?'
And I didn't, because I felt damaged.''
The disease _ and its treatment _ ravaged her reproductive system, leaving
her unable to bear children. Bradley didn't mind. He told her, "We'll get a
dog.''
``He brought my spirits up the whole time,'' Tina says.
Bradley drove her to radiation treatments. He sat with her in the waiting
room and brought her bags of peanuts and other treats. He picked up her
prescriptions and took her out to breakfast after appointments. When
radiation left most of her skin as red and tender as a severe sunburn, there
was little he could do but hold her hand.
A low point for Tina came when she skipped a dose of anti-nausea medicine
and became extremely sick to her stomach. Bradley didn't hesitate to come to
her aid.
``Most men would say, `I can't handle this. I've got to go,''' Tina says.
``He'd clean me up. CLP (Bradley's employer) let him go to every
appointment, then he'd work at night.''
The treatments lasted for eight months, ending in May 2001. Regular
check-ups every three months reveal that Tina has remained cancer-free.
Today Tina and Bradley will sit down for a romantic lunch at Fremont's
Pearl's Cafe. They'll enjoy some food and conversation, then after the main
course head waiter Abran Dreyfus will deliver this newspaper story to the
table as a special pre-dessert bonus.
Bradley, just like you, will be reading this story for the first time. And
he's in for quite a surprise.
``I've known a lot of people who go through sickness and (split up),'' Tina
says. ``He stood by me the whole time. I just want to do something to show I
appreciate everything he's done for me.''
Bradley, Tina has something she'd like to say to you:
``Bradley, You are my best friend, my lover and my soulmate. We have
been through a lot since 1988. You were there for me through hard times and
good. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to peel your
grapes and grow old together. I promise the future will be filled with lots
of love, laughter and adventures. Because together we can conquer anything.
I love you so much. Will you marry me? Love, Tina.''
Tina says she expects Bradley to be stunned when he sees this marriage
proposal in the newspaper.
``He's probably going to be in shock,'' Tina says. ``But I want to spend the
rest of my life with him.''
And, so how does Bradley feel about Tina?
Under the guise of writing a story about cancer survivors, we interviewed
Bradley.
Tina, this won't come as news to you, but Bradley says you're his best
friend, and you make him feel ``good to be alive.''
When you told him you had cancer, he admits he was caught off guard.
``I didn't know what to think (except), `Just deal with it,''' he says.
``That's all you can do.''
He tried to be supportive, but it wasn't always easy for someone who has had
a lifelong fear of hospitals. Between the ages of 8 and 12, Bradley
underwent nine surgeries, including a corneal transplant, after a rock
struck him and left him blind in one eye. Hospital visits normally are so
uncomfortable for him that when his step-mother was hospitalized a few years
ago, he sent his love and a get-well card via his father. Anything to avoid
hanging out in those antiseptic-scented white halls.
But when Tina got cancer, he valiantly overcame his unease to support her.
``We'd been together a long time,'' he says. ``You can't just walk away. I
will never be lonely as long as I live, because I have Tina.''
As he enters his fourth decade, Bradley observes that he has spent nearly
half of his life with Tina, and he can't imagine what his days would be like
without her at his side.
``I like to think that what we went through made me and Tina stronger,''
Bradley says. ``I'm looking forward to the next 20 years.''
Well, Bradley and Tina, your lunch dishes have been cleared and dessert is
on its way. Will champagne soon be in order?
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